• Suspended and Suspense-filled Life in the Midst of Change
    Have you noticed that it's hard to just continue on living life 'as usual' with all the changes that are predicted and seemingly in view? The last couple of years have been particularly intense. I do believe we are moving into a very different way of life in the world. There are major, life-changing technologies that have been kept secret and hidden from us. I hope they will be released soon from their bondage so we can move on into the Jetson Age. (If you never watched the Jetson cartoons, it was all set in a high technology, futuristic world)
    When you find yourself in between two different realities, it's a bit discombobulating. The world as we have known it doesn't seem very real anymore. Most of what we were taught about the world and life is complete propaganda - an illusion. The powers at the top had a whole agenda to play out and they used every communication tool they could find to manipulate the regular people on the planet. It involved them living in power and luxury while the rest worked as their labour force or lived in unsustainable poverty. The 'developed' countries were the slave labour and the 'third world' countries were in poverty.
    The humanitarian earth alliance people behind the scenes today are working to change everything to build a peaceful world that works for everybody. It's not a 'New World Order' that I'm talking about that reflects much of George Orwell's vision of a future where all are controlled. Most people have been taught to believe that without our present governments, laws and leadership, that people would become savages. Leadership is somewhat important but can be done at a smaller community level. If we had a world filled with abundance - which is very attainable - then you wouldn't have a lot of the problems you have with a world of scarcity and depravity.
    Suppressed Knowledge and Technology
    There are a few very important technologies that are being suppressed that I will mention first. Most people reading this will already be informed about this. Free energy is a big one. There is technology that is known where energy can be created from small devices that can power everything we need. There is no cost to creating the energy, other than meagre costs of manufacturing these devices. We also have hidden technology that could clean up our oceans, air and land that needs to be released. They also have ways of getting rid of garbage in clean, energy-efficient ways - not just storing it in landfills or transforming it into other pollutants. What about food replicators that can create food and other items from plasma? We can have whatever we need and want without worrying about GMO's, droughts or flooding and without killing animals. Another big area of technologies that has been suppressed is in the form of health diagnostics and treatments (cures). Healthcare also has a lot of suppressed knowledge about how to care for our bodies and the ills of the pharmaceutical industry that both robs us blind and keeps us sick.
    Hmm - there are several 'high level' people who want to get rid of this debt-based financial system that we have. The top elite have billions of unneeded money while countries and people are debt-poor and barely surviving financially. Can you imagine a 'Jubilee' where all debt is forgiven and economies support everyone having a home of their own and all else they need? We've been told that a new 'Quantum financial system' is ready to be launched which will make it impossible for theft and misappropriation of funds. We have enough advanced robotics that people would not have to work other than to help in their own community with what is needed. That workload would be covered by volunteers - lots of them happy to help out.
    In The Middle
    Energy is an interesting phenomena. During spiritual practices, you become much more aware of energies beyond the physical realm that you experience around you. Some say we are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience. There is a lot said out there that suggests that we are creators of our world and our reality. Of course we are all co-creators and so are affected by each others' energies. Even so, living in this world isn't the same reality for everyone. On a simplified level, some people live in fear of others or feel the need to defend themselves at every turn. They live in a world of struggle, caution and conflict. Others look at the world as filled with people who have so much to give, if only acknowleged and supported in doing so. They live a life of healing and kindness. Life struggles are just opportunities for us to help out and watch miracles happen. Most people fall in the middle between those two extremes. But how you approach life seems to greatly affect what you experience.
    There is a world-wide push towards a new, better world. Much of that 'push' is in energy creation. The more people let go of the old paradigms of reality and envision a future of abundance, peace and cooperation, the closer we get to that reality 'manifesting' before us. Fighting for peace is an oxymoron. Taking responsibility for how and what you put your energy into - whether in thoughts or action - well that takes a lot of work and practice. Knowing it will lead to a breakthrough makes the whole journey a joyful one.
    Let me give a couple of recent examples in my life of how this work goes. I have a group of friends who get together every couple of weeks. It was interesting. This last time that we were to meet, I had my grandson's first birthday to attend and would have had to leave the gathering quite early. To my surprise, the group talked about changing the day in order to accommodate me. This can involve 7 - 9 people and I felt it as a big kindness that they would offer to change the day. It had been their idea, not my request. Well, in the end the day got changed back to the original day - but without me being informed of this. I had made a couple of suggestions that no one responded to. In the end, I just emailed everyone and asked for them to let me know when we would be meeting next. So then I had to work on letting go of conflicted feelings about the whole thing. I had a choice about how I was going to handle the connections I have with different people in the group. I really care about these people and so I have truly been able to let it all go and focus on the loving energy that is among us all. There was no ill intent or actual abandonment that had taken place, though it felt that way at the time.
    Another situation that came up in the past couple of days was a debate I had with my daughter-in-law about whether vaccines should be made mandatory. I was clearly able to make my point that I feel people should have the right to choose. She felt that she was well-informed and 'right' in believing it's better for everyone to be vaccinated, whether they think so or not. She also brought up that some children are unable to be vaccinated due to a sensitivity to the vaccines and those children were at risk around children whose parents chose for them to be unvaccinated. I agreed that those 'vulnerable' children's parents should have a right to have their child in a safe environment but that would not mean mandatory vaccinationns as the only option. I felt good that I stood up for my point of view - which isn't always easy - but I also have been careful to keep a positive and respecful view of my daughter-in-law. People believe what they believe because of what they have been exposed to and drawn to in their life experiences.
    It Can Be Isolating
    Sometimes it's easier to just stay by myself instead of going through all the work of being with others. When alone I am not reacting to all the craziness out there. However, when I go out into the world at large, I try to take my heart and smile with me knowing I will run into lots of people along my way who will be grateful for the energy that I share. Let me bring more of the creator's loving energy into the world around me and 'know' that change is coming and people will be much happier than I am seeing right now. All will be revealed.
    Being alone or being out in the world around me - I feel I am in the middle, between the past and the future. Time doesn't seem real. All seems to be in motion. It is an interesting time that we are in at present and I plan to fully experience all that it entails.
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  • Deprogramming for Spiritual Freedom
    What I've learned, in spite of what I was taught.
    Life in the Matrix
    Life is not what we were taught it was all about. We have learned that success comes with learning to play the game the powers that be set up. Being successful means that you are 'smart enough' and likable enough to the right people (kiss their behinds) and you follow their plot rather than question its merit.
    I speak more from a life experience within a 'developed' country and I sometimes wonder if life would have been more wholesome in a more under-developed country. Our media certainly tries to discredit such a thought. They tell us that lesser developed countries suffer with on-going civil conflict, poverty and starvation. So the powers that be set up a 'civilized' society and called us the 'privileged'.
    There has been an on-going entourage of empires for thousands of years. Of course, who knows what our true history has been since our history lessons have been quite contrived to support the controllers' narrative. When I was in university, I suddenly realized that 'history' was a story about people over time. The history lessons I had been given up until then just seemed to be about war and the conflicts between and spread of empires - a lot of fairly useless memory work to do well in those courses, with very little 'learning'. I'm glad that my children had more interesting history teachers in school.
    So, there's the very corrupt way that the world is today with all the crazy propaganda about who the good guys and bad guys are ...
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  • Pat & Orion Feb. 2/19
    Orion - we are with you as always - you will soon see a major step forward into freeing the planet from negative forces - we saw this change on our planet too, though our situation was a little different - ours was a little bigger planet than Earth ...
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  • Focusing on Light and Truth
    How to put what I am sensing and thinking about into words? Sometimes when you become aware of a deep truth, words can express it in simple terms - all there is is love - yet the awareness of this truth has many deep layers of 'knowing', On one level, one just embodies love and the bliss that it carries, void of any awareness of negativity for that negativity is seen to be 'unreal' - merely part of the illusionary game that we are living in. But as we carry on in a world with so much pain and destruction going on, ignoring that reality seems to 'allow' it to continue, unhindered.
    When the soldiers came back from war in the world wars, they were told to forget about what had happened in war, for they were to embrace the new found freedom and peace that had been 'won'. There was a saying in the 60's: There can be no peace without war! - a rather sarcastic anti-war statement. "Fighting for peace' is an oxymoron.
    Being in a 'duality' reality where both good and evil flourish side by side is a crazy place to be. Within this experience is the opportunity to develop the capacity to know such horrendous evil also develop a deep compassion for all sacred energies that suffer in face of cold evil efforts to control and manipulate in all self-serving ways.
    The journey into the depths of love is an amazing process. Healing comes from knowing the truth about it all. Healing is natural but only when truth is not repressed. Having the strength to 'handle the truth' is something you build during this great awakening.
    I remember speaking at a gathering once that was a volunteer-appreciation celebration. I and my partner agreed to do a presentation about domestic violence - an issue that many of the volunteers were assisting with. We took the audience into a rather candid view of what domestic violence is all about and the importance of our caring and support to those who endure it. The heart of a volunteer is quite beautiful and this was acknowledged and celebrated. Volunteers often show the courage to face the hardships that our fellow human beings experience and offer compassion and support wherever needed.
    So the response to our presentation was interesting. Many people were very appreciative of what we had presented and thanked us very sincerely. There were some, though, who were upset that we would bring such awareness into ruining their evening with such truths. I suppose their attitude was more like - well thank God others are helping these poor vistims and law enforcement is dealing with it so we don't have to. It's not so much that people can't handle the truth, it's that they just don't want to.
    Vicarious trauma - an interesting term that is about the trauma one goes through in 'witnessing' the traumatic experience of another. This can be the person, for example, who is watching someone being hurt - like a child watching mother being beaten by someone else - or it can be the person listening to the experience of that onlooker or the victim as they go through their healing of that experience. A lot of therapists and volunteers go through vicarious trauma in their work. It's important for them to get caring and support from each other in this or they will 'burn out' and just want to make it all go away. Once your eyes are opened to such realities, however, there is no real going back to innocence or 'not-knowing'. The capacity to 'know truth' comes with time and also the human connection with others also learning this capacity at the same time.
    When I listened to the stories of survivors of satanic ritual abuse, it opened a deep awareness of cruelty and evil that was very traumatizing to learn about. Along with that learning came also an awareness of such sacredness and beauty that is also very deep. There is a sense of soul to soul loving and compassion that runs to the depth of the human spirit. It's where I learned about angels and where I truly saw the incredible healing power of love and of allowing truth to be uncovered. The human heart is so very healing.
    Lets take something more simple - like the planet. Do we look at all the destruction we are participating in and allowing to be done to our planet or do we just ignore it? It is often said that the opposite to 'love' is not 'hate' but 'indifference'. Whether it is someone just being unmindful of the amount of garbage they produce in everyday life or the extreme of not caring that we use fossil fuels or dangerous nuclear reactors for fuel (when alternative are available) - well this indifference allows the harm to continue to get worse and worse.
    We, as human beings, have an incredible capacity for healing - whether it be the love and compassion we have for a suffering human or animal or our planet. However that healing energy doesn't get activated unless we face the truth of that suffering reality that needs us. It's just nor good enough to think that 'others will do it'. We can't just throw money at it and hope 'someone' makes it go away.
    The audience at the volunteers' celebration, mentioned above - some were grateful to know the truth and to acknowledge and celebrate the wonderful efforts of the volunteers to deal with it. Others just wanted to know it was being dealt with and didn't want to know what was really going on.
    With seeing that some of the worst horrors and suffering on the planet are now coming to light on a global scale, I sometimes think that most people need to be spared the vicarious trauma of really knowing the truth - for example the human trafficking experience. The problem is that we also lose their healing energy that comes with knowing the truth involved. People who are 'spared' from knowing of what evil lies here also miss the absolutely amazing awareness of the love and beauty of Source or God. They miss out on feeling their connection with that love and healing energy - a blissful knowing that runs so deep within the human spirit.
    We're all in this together, as family, as important parts of the energies of the planet. Let there be light! Let us be the light!
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  • Transpicuous news - cosmic ray? Jan. 2-3/19
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  • https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7zuyvEmCxs4
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  • Pat & Orion Jan. 6/19
    Orion - we are with you as always - yes we were asking for us to write - this is a very special time as you move through a major energy area of the galaxy - you are on your way through an energy that will be with you strongly through this month - it will elicit a sense of inner knowing with yourself - all begins to balloon out from your heart centre - just be in love and light with your inner soul being - let your higher self guide you and see what comes to your attention - your whole conscious awareness is shifting - not a time to focus too much on external events - they will pass - Orion
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  • https://stillnessinthestorm.com/2018/12/surviving-an-illuminati-cult-a-survivor-speaks-on-having-needs/
    Surviving an Illuminati Cult — A Survivor Speaks On Having Needs

    (Svali) This is a guest article by someone who has written expressively and eloquently on how the survivor of cult abuse feels. Her name is niid la’i and she speaks for many of us about the isolation and loss of identity, the need to protect oneself after a lifetime of betrayals. The desire to learn to trust and be open. She calls it:

    Related Svali Illuminati Insider Articles

    Source – Svali Speaks

    by Svali, September 29th 2008

    On Having Need
    by Niid La’i

    This is an essay on need. Need is frightening to me. I don’t want to have need! The voices of programming inside start to shout at me when I acknowledge that I have needs. I am not supposed to have needs. I have always existed to serve others. I am supposed to be compliant, understanding, and forgiving, no matter what anyone does to me, or says to me. I am never supposed to express an opinion, or discontent or dissatisfaction.

    As a child, I learned to have a “nothing face.” This face was devoid of all expression. It was a face that hid a million feelings. Sometimes, even this expression was unacceptable. If it was misconstrued as sullen, then punishment descended on me anyway. I had to have at least a suggestion of a smile and contentment blended in with the nothing face. It was used when cult members were present and in the home with the mother and father.

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    I also have, what I call, “outside faces.” Outside faces are more readable. They were created to present a pleasant, calm, and amiable appearance to all people. The outside faces went to school, and to relatives’ homes, and to public places. As a small child people would comment on how quiet I was. As a teen-ager, and even now, many friends and acquaintances tell me I am so, “laid back!” What a joke! But it proves how well everyone inside has hidden behind the acceptable faces that afforded some safety.

    One problem this has created is a numbing affect. In order for the outside faces and the nothing face to function, needs and feelings had to be literally forgotten. If alters, which I call, “others, ” inside were too upset or anxious, there was a possibility of their emotions breaking through. Often in a cult gathering, members of the group would convince little others that if they had feelings inside, the members could tell. So, even if their facial expression was as it should be, the cult members would punish them for the feelings these “little people”, my name for little alters, were supposedly having. Because of this, others learned to deny their feelings and more others were created to hold feelings in far away worlds. Their needs were not recognized anymore either. Eventually they were as “nothing” inside as their faces learned to be on the outside.

    When one of my others was 6 years old she was being taught not to cry. I’m sure there were lots of other “lessons” already ingrained about showing emotions, but this is just one description of those indoctrination sessions. The memory, and I’m sure it is not complete, is of this small child standing naked in front of a male adult. He was sitting in a chair and all of a sudden he slapped her very hard on the cheek. Of course, she grabbed her cheek and started to cry. He removed her hand and hit her again and said simply, “Don’t cry!” She tried to stop but couldn’t. He continued to hit her cheek and repeat the words until her tears stopped and the only evidence of the pain was her labored breathing. I’m sure that at some point this little person inside fragmented into more others who could hold the sting of the slaps and even the tears away from the six year olds consciousness. Eventually she was able to stand dry eyed in front of her abuser and not even flinch. By the time this was accomplished her cheek and eye were so swollen and bruised that she could not go to school for more than a week.

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    Certainly, everyone who lives on the earth has the need to cry many times in his/her life. But for me, because of countless, repeated episodes of controlled programming such as the one just described, my need to cry was effectively shut off. Now, as an adult, though I need to cry, there are many times I can’t. I will feel tears begin to fill my eyes and my throat tighten up, but then all the symptoms just go away. I am left with an overwhelming sadness, a stomach- ache and extreme anxiety.

    Can I then tell anyone I am anxious, or sad, or feel sick? NO! Others inside have been taught equally well that they are not supposed to ask for relief or comfort. They should not even feel sad, or anxious or sick. If they do have these feelings, they think they are bad and evil for having them. They experience tremendous guilt and shame.

    In the present day, I find I don’t understand what is happening with my emotions. I go to the Dr. and get so anxious when I have to tell him/her what is wrong that I get tongue-tied and confused. The Dr. gets impatient and frustrated because my explanations are so disjointed. He/she misunderstands.. I try again, but I still can’t be clear. I am then judged incompetent and a hypochondriac. I am treated with lack of respect and in a mocking way. I don’t understand why I can’t talk to Drs. I feel stupid and ashamed for being so evasive and indirect.

    This happens because I am not supposed to need. If I am sick, I am not supposed to need help. I am not supposed to tell anyone I don’t feel good. I am not supposed to GET sick in the first place. This is ludicrous when considered logically. Everyone gets sick. But, the lessons are still so much a part of me, I think I am bad and evil for wanting medicine to feel better.

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    Let’s say I go to a therapy session. I am going to therapy because I am trying to resolve the conflicts I sense inside. Even being there is a serious breach of “the rules.” Again, I am admitting I have needs, and I am trying to talk to someone about them. Talking is akin to murder. It is a capital offense, and carries major consequences if broken. Therapy is all about talking! If I sit silent in front of my therapist then nothing is accomplished. If I speak to him I am buried in angry, shouting inner voices, pleading voices, scared voices. My body starts to hurt in various places. I cannot think again, and what I say comes out jumbled and incoherent. I get frustrated and panic-stricken. If my therapist shows even the slightest indication of impatience or perceived anger, everyone inside withdraws. All the others inside willing to watch and listen are so hyper alert they notice every movement, twitch and voice inflection the therapist has. This can seriously impede progress in therapy.

    Many times I have left a session thinking the therapist has labeled me needy and draining. This is because if I ask him/her for anything; reassurance, understanding, support, I think I am being overbearing and demanding. The very act of walking through the door of the office and being seen feels like asking for more than anyone should ever be asked to give. Indeed, I am supposed to go in there and figure out what the therapist needs and start supporting and taking care of him! Paradoxically if the therapist cannot return a rare phone call, or cannot be as supportive as I need him/her to be, I feel rejected and abandoned. So, I find myself in one of those double binds so common to survivors. If the therapist is supportive, etc. I feel bad and evil. If he is not supportive I feel bad and evil. This is all because I am not supposed to have any needs.

    What can happen, is that I get so worried about being needy, that I become needy!! By skirting around what I really want to say or ask for, those who are working with me have to guess at what I am really trying to ask or say. They can end up feeling manipulated, or like they are being forced to play some strange kind of game. Though this is not my intent, especially if they do not know me very well, my “halftalk,” as I call it, can create the very drain I am trying so hard not to inflict on others.

    It’s another trust issue. In order to heal, I have to trust before trust is really there to be able to learn to trust! I have to risk from the very foundation of my being. I wear the lessons of the past like a second skin. To begin removing this skin leaves me feeling touch tender and naked once again. I often feel like I am metaphorically standing in the middle of a busy freeway daring the cars not to hit me. That’s how vulnerable I feel as I try and shed the beliefs that have ruled me from the day I was born. I hate it when I am told I am comfortable living within the boundaries placed on me from the past. But, it is true. I have only known what I was so methodically programmed to believe.

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    Learning new ways is filled with as much pain and anxiety as the original abuse. As I discover and then acknowledge that I have needs, and attempt to trust these needs to “outsiders,” “big people,” i.e., therapist, Drs. and friends, I open myself up to the possibility of more hurt and misunderstanding. Though these people are not abusers, human beings are subject to making mistakes, responding from their own set of rules. The everyday problems in relationships that are bound to happen when people get together can seem as intense as the former abuse.

    Can the voices of programming ever be silenced? I hope so. At this point, I have to rely on my therapists and other caregivers to instruct me and guide me. I cannot offer concrete ways to implant trust in barren soil. What this essay offers is insight. I NEED those who read it to understand and be able to step beyond my walls of resistance and help me. I hope that as other survivors relate to these barriers that affect their healing they will also seek out people that can assist them to shed their old skins of the past. Now how’s this for breaking programming! Copyright 2000 Niid la’i:

    Thank you for your courage in opening your heart and sharing with others here. May what you wrote open the eyes of both therapists and support people to the tremendous issues that a survivor of ritual abuse struggles with in the healing process. -Svali
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