050219 Dream was all over the place last night. Remaining - there was a couple, a man and a woman. The sense was they had a habit of infiltrating and "taking"- succubus/vampyric energy types. The woman was a young thin blonde, the man- brunette but his appearance would change later on.

These two were not high level energy- they were low density infiltration types.
Obvious and did not seem to have an issue about what they did.

At first- there was this group studying together- like a spiritual group- we were learning alchemy/magic? and ways of the "upper world".

We would split off into different ways of being and reconnect in "upper world" reality, like a soul study group. So the dream felt fragmented as if my brain was trying to combine these two concepts into an understanding of worlds we inhabited.

This couple made themselves present in the upper world as journalistic types, like news reporters- the look was very h-wood.

At one point, in upper life, this became apparent to me and we were walking around some area-it was somehow both a park with a baseball field, inc a curved cage around home plate and an entry way to our "study" place.

So this couple was there with us, and I felt like at that time, our leader of sorts (K) did not know this couple was [our] issue. They were being allowed "in" somehow.

So during the "walk down", somehow me and this couple had crossed paths. I was somehow seeing the stuff the woman was doing, almost remotely- as if it were a gift I was using and part of my group as a whole- almost like a lookout/guard. I was closest in "rank" to "K" and so this was part of my job to make sure this group knew of energy interlopers.

I felt a sort of mentor relationship with K, as if I was being trained for something- like a new position but it was more like a gradual process, not like a rush or an intended outcome.

It felt like it was part of our group's way of being- we just grew our gifts and then found a niche or useful place for them, there was no competition. But there were still people? others? that wanted to somehow get into this group-for selfish reasons.

I saw the succub woman sort of sneaking around- her energy seemed obvious- at least to me. My group seemed less aware. I saw the man- he somehow tricked this other man, and this- succubus?

I saw an image of him in bed with this man in the most awkward position- it was on a bed, and one man was on his back and this succub was on his back too- and they were like connecting through their feet? and legs? but was meant to be sexual and the succub, at that moment, I could see he was wearing a wig and he was actually very old but with a fit body.

He had no hair, he was bald. And his features looked very old but - it was like he was getting something from this man and he did not know it somehow that this was a bad situation. And he saw that I saw him- and it had been like me hovering in the room, watching "in".

And he told the woman. And when I went back to what felt like my body, I went to tell my mentor, and she was getting the group ready- i peeked in and they were surprised to see me. They looked an odd bunch. One was very small with glasses and a big afro hairstyle, but they looked asian, and light skinned. That one looked at me with confusion- as if they don't often see me.

It looked like a group getting together for a book club and I looked at my mentor in confusion and she conveyed these were the group (again, split world).

I left to go downstairs as if I were to wait for her while she finished up. And then the woman showed up- somehow she had gotten in before the mentor came down- I think my going up to the upper world let her in somehow that time.

And immediately I tried to do some sort of hand spell and she was prepared for this. She held up a block of what looked like rock? granite? it was rough looking but square and it blocked my power to hold her back, and she somehow did something that knocked me on my a$$.

I was then on the floor- very hard to fight her off, and she was putting a round cloth, like a scarf, over my face, and there was a coin in the center that she placed - so the scarf was a circle over my face, on the center there was a hole, and she placed this old coin there- and I fought her alot before she could do that- I called 2 names, one escaped me and the other was Karen (K).

I was so worried for them, she was inside now, and they had no warning. I kept screaming Karen! and the other name but it was like Karen & the other name were the same person- it is as if I cannot remember the second name because it is meant to be kept secret?

And when she put that scarf on me and the coin was at the top, I mostly fought the coin being in the hole- it was as if, it was going to block something on my face that I did not want blocked- I would say my mouth for air, but it meant more than that and I keep getting a "third eye" sense but it is still connected to breathing somehow.

I managed to pull the coin loose while we were fighting but there were still threads, and I used that small space to keep yelling for Karen- somehow, I know that Karen could overpower this being.

I woke up right after. Felt sad. Like I had left somewhere again, and had left people open to harm somehow.

042819 Weird dream- alot of gross connections but not sure why they would be in there. Again, super busy and detailed.
At one point- I was with a woman, an asian woman, and I think I was her spouse? Maybe male? I am unsure. And we were in a sort of lowered bunker type location, almost basement like- but for a very large space, almost like an abandoned warehouse?

We were getting ready for the night, and me feeling like I was going to go to bed, happy to lay next to my wife?-again, not sure what gender I was- this felt outside of my life as I know it.

It looked like we had made a space for ourselves, but it did not look like a house- it was like being homeless, or in a destitute setting. When I went to close the door for the night- it was wooden, faded blue and w/chipped paint, it seemed wider than a typical door and shorter- maybe square, almost like a bunker. It was up higher a bit off the ground and swung inward to close.

I had no concern or fear going to close it, but when I grabbed the handle and brought it almost entirely closed, something grabbed it from the other side trying to pull it open. It had an old antique doorknob (pic below) and I could feel that in my hand, my grip so tight, trying not to let them twist the knob and wrench it out of my hand. It was really hard trying to pull it closed.
I felt panicked- I felt like it was something too strong for me on the other side, and I mean, I was pulling back with all my might and weight.

I called out for my spouse to come help me, she was behind me. on our bunk.

She did not come to help me, and I kept calling her name out behind me, unable to see her, and finally yelling myself awake.

Her name was Alice.

040419 (day ago) Dream about a roller coaster type track- this has happened before. It is a bit strange when I am on these types of machinery because they always feel like a mix of somewhere I've been and something I am familiar with, but not quite something from my regular life that I can place. This roller coaster did remind me a bit of a work track, with it not being so much about entertainment like a roller coaster, as much as it was about just a working transport. It was so detailed- like being there and it was overwhelming..and I remember an underground area and some water, too- like it was going through a cavern or caves and water was around. I remember I was alone at some point and it felt more I was trying to escape using the carts, like I was trying to stash away on it to get out of this place. I need to find a better way to dictate dreams because I lost alot w/this one waking up in the morn and getting distracted right away.
I did notice that I was having an increase in weird dreams prior to this that were highly active, like my old dreams that feel like I am splitting living between places. The dreams tend to be tedious- sometimes working 8hr shifts at jobs and feeling like 8hrs actually went by, vs blipping through it
Woke up after that dream with a sore spot on my rt side of my hip, that reminded me of the heparin shots I would get at the hospital. It feels like a marble size ball is under that area (soft area above my hip bone, towards the back a little). I can't sleep on my right side so not from that, and the tenderness and small ball reminds me of the heparin because my body would immediately respond like that to subcutaneous injections (no meds at all here, and a shot def not something I would do at home at all, too). Being bedbound I do not know how this could have happened. It is a little bigger today and seems to be deep under the tissue, and it surprised me surfacing over night.

040319 Weird dream last night. In it there was an off white plastic type large drone helicopter that was crashing alongside a hill that had house lots, homes, and gardens that were layered in tiers down the hill.

People were running and the entire machine was cutting through houses and people were running as it spun sideways and the blades caused it to turn over dirt and whatever got in its way. I did not see anyone get hurt, just very scared and running everywhere. The entire machine was made of this off-white plastic material, almost like opaque tupperware.

Then, a sort of odd looking man got out abd was stumblig around a bit at first. He looked like Edward Scissorhands on steroids.
He was tall, he had bluish grey skin, black hair, wore a long & detailed duster that looked black & dusty from the kick up the machine caused.
He started going after people with both a chainsaw type machine he was holding and a long single barrel tube-gun, almost like a cane.

I saw him and tried to move away but I had been backed into an area as the machine crashed, and the debris had piled up around me so I was cornered.
I grabbed an old metal ladder that had broken off part of a building and was using it to sort of keep him back but he was so strong.
I ended up falling backwards and was trying to keep him from pushing the chainsaw weapon on me. When he could not push through the ladder with that, he started to try to aim the barrel of the tube-gun into an open part of the ladder (it was like a pipe latter, the structure of it made from hollow metal) and he was going to shoot his gun right through a part that went directly to my face.

I was in a panic- my dreams far and in between put me in a disadvantage like this, usually I just wake up or move through it but I was literally stuck.
He was about to pull the trigger and I felt myself just surrender and say "please, God, help me"- and the guy heard this and immediately stopped and turned into a sort of golden yellow person, smiling, happy that I had said this.

He walked away and left me alone after that and the dream continued with me searching for others.

We eventually found some other people, and there was a young woman there, sitting in a chair- seemingly unhappy and a bit removed, on a laptop. Somehow I felt like she was connected to the guy and I asked her, "was that you?" and she said "yes" and I asked "why did you do that?"

I could not fathom how she could be connected to that guy, but it was just a sort on instinctual feeling. And she said "No one thought what I was doing was important" and the dream ended there.

Despite the dream being so frightening at first, seeing that girl, so unhappy and feeling so under valued, I actually felt sorry for her and woke up thinking about how much we can overlook people and to what lengths they may go to, to feel heard.

012119 Dreams have been so busy. Too many details to write down. I feel like I am living in two different worlds in one body. Quit caffeine back on Jan 3/19. Dreams are louder and more detailed since then and I am reminded of one of the side effects of the caffeine tho it only took a little for me. I don't know how it is possible to see and go through so much at night and remember it all. It never shuts off. Last night I had a moment tho..not a dream. Hub was under the weather- not well, it worried me. I stayed up listening to him, concerned. I was on my phone and suddenly became very tired. I laid the phone down for a second and then- I don't remember. I woke up "asleep". I could feel my body asleep and my mind was awake. I felt like I was in my body- maybe returning? and adjusting. It was a sense of suspension- like when you float in nothing-ness but you can feel water around you. I don't even know how I know what that feels like. It reminds me of tanks people use in movies/tv to get people to dissociate from their body, I forget the name. It must have been only an hr that I had fallen asleep, judging by the light of the room and the sounds outside which I seem to have down to a clockwork setting after 11yrs of immobility. I liked the sensation of being in awareness and aware I was out of my body. I didn't want the body to wake up..I wanted to feel that feeling, the feeling of not being trapped and stuck and in pain for awhile..and then my hand started to itch as if something was scratching it.
So much for breaking the rules.

Last few nights dreams have been more normal, as far as my normal goes. More grounded again. Been working on boundaries. I am having a returning dream of a young girl who is very small, she asked to hold my hand the other nightdream, she was scared.
I could feel her hand, at the side of my bed. Holding it the only way I know how to with my hands being so curled anymore. She thinks of me as her mother, and I feel the same but I am unsure. Last night's dream, I was somewhere.

More like a memory. There was a moment when we were in a shared community room, a fireplace, and the men were off to one side, and they were all wearing navy blue casuals with some sort of writing on them, like a patch or company. Even though they were uniform-ish, these were considered dress downs, what is worn during "off-time".

It almost reminded me of fireman dress-downs, like how they stay in a sort of casual uniform? There were women on the other side, and this was a gathering for a party. There were younger people there, too, kids that seemed young. I was walking around - poking into things..I had had some other dreams earlier before this but this felt different, and unable to attribute it to other 3d level awareness influences.

This party- the men watched the women and the goings on, but it never felt like they were completely at ease- as if they were on call. They seemed to be gathered by the fireplace looking mantle. It almost felt like this was a rare happening, not something typical. The room was in subdued light, the big window felt fake. It was covered with a curtain but made no sense why we could not look out (from my 3rd awareness) but there, it seemed normal, almost like a prop.

There were white cups with fruit in them, looked like normal different berries, etc, some green fruit, and these were small but apparently a big deal to be able to have at the party. There were also these things - they were like animals, alot of the kids were holding them. They looked like balled up creatures with mouths, pinkish-flesh colored. There were these other big rubbery clear worms that we were supposed to feed them, but we were absolutely not supposed to feed them the fruit from the cups or anything else. I tried to feed one a clear/larvae looking clear worm, and it was trying to eat it. Part of me was completely at ease but my 3rd awareness here was scared of this and revolted by it. It was like having 2 memories of this- one here observing (revolted) the other there, familiar and at ease.

And then I mistakenly grabbed someone else's fruit cup, had put my lips on the rim to tip the fruit and I realized it wasn't my cup- and I put it down trying not to be obvious. I worried about getting sick from touching someone else's cup and worried about giving them something, too- as if we were warned NOT to share utensils or any potential contaminants.

I then remember one of the other kids there, a seemingly slight/thin, middle eastern? asian? looking tan? boy w/curly hair, who was walking around the party and other places..he was suddenly with me and we were exploring around, knowing the party was opening up the possibility to speak to other people and sort of sneak off and explore.

I told him of a room, and had him follow me. We went in and on the wall you could see a big workbench type desk with a backboard against the wall. On the wall, there were slices of skull type cadaver that looked brown/old/dried out. They were cut in a way that showed the palate of the mouth and the set of teeth. There were several, some in disarray, as if being worked on. The palate was big enough that i would consider it to be anywhere between 12-14 inches across, some a little smaller, but clearly bigger than humans. The teeth set had human looking teeth, nothing that looked like it had huge incisors or eye teeth, though it looked like a lot of molars, maybe more than ours. I only saw disc like slices of this, like they had been removed as a slice from a skull to be able to look inside with a complete open view.

Then someone came in and we got in trouble though I knew the place and was allowed- The person felt like a woman or an effeminate man maybe, not very big- and I was chastised for allowing the boy to come see this (almost felt like I had been allowed to be there before by this person, but that was not extended to others). I do not know if I was an adult or child..and then I woke up.

That sequence was all enclosed, it felt like we were inside- almost like at an encampment but it was all indoors. It did not look futuristic or anything but it did not feel like earth feels. It felt dry, the emotion in the room was isolation, distance, removed, mission-like. It felt like another planet.

100518 Weird night. Up alot. Wide awake at early am.
Couldn't sleep so pulled up a YT vid for astral projection.
Not sure if a dream or what so posting here and Dream Pocket.
Did video, slowed into what felt like was slumber.
I was again, in a group. There were some weird parts that made little sense. At one point we were all sitting on a wooden bench, lined up, watching a man who was some sort of healer but in a scientific method. I was in the front row. Somehow I was volunteered? and he pulled out a thin glass lens, much like a sample slide for microscopes, but maybe a little longer. He held it up and over my eyes, he was using it to look into my eyes for a health read and the lens glare with the light coming from the sun? sky? hurt my eyes. The lens looked a little like it was beveled or had a design on it- as if it was a little screen. It was maybe 3-4" x 2". I complained about my eyes a little, someone said it was normal...and then I vanished. I was then immediately in another area in the back and the situation became weird again. I was in the audience, but then saw myself hanging - pushed up against the wall behind this man. I wasn't hanging by my neck, but more like I was semi curled up and shoved up onto the wall. There were both people concerned there about my disappearance and yet I was sitting there with others, 2 men who were romantically involved with each other, somehow related to me, and they were not worried at all. It was as if we were watching this together and also separate from the situation. I even laid back at one point, tired and telling the guys they could do whatever but I was going to rest.

I started to come back to my senses of being awake after that. I could feel an intense vibration in my hands. I just settled into that, observing, also not quite fully immersed in wakefulness. And then I felt a weird thumP! on my stomach and chest area and felt like I was shoved. It made me feel sick and then it felt like I was more awake.