Hello world. The following is from 2018.
It seems as if my brothers are feeling the intensity of their relationships or lack thereof. Each seem to be seeking themselves in another or basing their worth and value on another. I am finding myself guided to respond to these calls for love…
A brother shares, "I need a woman so bad in my life to get out of the loser category."
My response, "Something to consider here brother is this… 23 years ago I left a very abusive relationship with my baby. Following that relationship I started dating women and found them to be just as abusive as men. At that point I found myself staying single for the next five years and working on me and learning to love myself.
Broken and battered, falling apart.
Not even sure of where to start.
Should I start with my broken bones?
Or should I start with my broken home?
A small little child precious and caring.
Pushed aside for even daring.
To obtain some affection.
A measure of love.
Feeling unwanted, lost, and alone.
Looking for love in walls of stone.
Giving freely of the body.
Not understanding they are Somebody.
Thinking by giving they shall receive.
When all they get are more injuries.
Some to their bodies.
Some to their minds.
Some to the souls.
They leave behind.
They don't seem to realize it is a trend.
They keep repeating over again.
Looking for love in all the wrong places.
Seeing a sea of swimming faces.
Locked deep inside is the love that they need.
For when I love myself, then someone else can love me.
Brother at the end of those five years instead of seeking a lover I sought out a friend. Someone who would accept me for me exactly as I am unconditionally. In this same way I had to be willing to accept them exactly as they are in the moment and not judge them their choices to be. When I could learn to do so with myself I could then extend that to them.
You will have to learn to love and accept yourself as you are first before anyone will be willing to accept you brother. You project out before you what you believe yourself to be. That is and will be the only thing your brothers and any future partner will be able to perceive of you. What it is you believe of yourself and what you believe yourself to be.
When you can accept and love yourself, someone else will be able to accept and love you too. Just remember, what you put out is what you will get back. Be the example of who and what it is you want to be and others will perceive this of you and choose to be as you are. Understand that in everything we are all equals and we must be able to see this equality between us. To see there is no difference between us. That no one is above or below another. There are no winners and losers here brother. That would be no more than a belief in a lie that was taught to you that you accepted as being true. It is a label that was handed to you.
Consider writing a list of everything you think you know and believe to be true about you, your brothers, and the world. Make a list of all you believe defines you. Make a list of everything you believe yourself to be. When you are done making your lists look at each item. What do each of those items listed have in common? Each are label. Each one was handed to you by someone else. Each was created by someone else. Each was defined by someone else. Each one was ACCEPTED by YOU as being TRUE.
Everything you think you know and believe in as being true and defining you was taught to you by someone else just as it had been taught to them. How do you know what you were taught is the Truth? If you are honest with yourself the answer is you don't. Like the rest of Humanity you never questioned what it is you were being taught. You blindly accepted what was handed to you as being the Truth. Everything said to you and that you read in a book was something someone else thought of and chose to believe in as being true. It was something that was being created by that being in that moment. They believed it and handed that belief to someone else who chose to accept it for themselves as being true.
This is what Humanity has been trained to do from the moment they are born into this reality. They are trained from birth to blindly accept all that is said and done as being the Truth and simply how things are done. They are taught to conform to the dictates, expectations and judgments of those around them. Consider again these judgments you keep casting upon yourself brother. Consider looking at what you think and believe here and question it for any validity in Truth. You may find like I did that everything I was taught to think and believe in was no more than a Lie used to control and manipulate me to another's will and dictates. Each was created to make me into a slave to a machine I created within my own mind made up of the beliefs in the lies I was taught to believe define me.
By the way, I have been with my Husband Alex for 18 years now. He was the friend I met after those five years. He became my best friend, lover, Husband and a Father to my son. He was everything I wanted and needed and so much more. When I stopped seeking I found a friend was given me who accepted me for me."
Another brother shared what seemed a joke yet isn't…, "A relationship between a Husband and Wife is psychological. One is psycho and the other is logical."
My response, "You will find that you balance each other. When one is going psycho the other remains calm and logical. This same thing happens in reverse. We are a ballast for each other. When we learn to allow and accept our partner as they are in the moment without judgments our partner learns to do the same. We learn to turn to each other instead of turning to those outside our relationship. We learn to become a team working with one mind and one heart with the knowing that what we choose for ourselves will impact our partner too. That in everything we must join together united in the direction and cause we would stand for. We are allowed to think, believe and perceive differently than each other. Our unique perspectives is what allows us to balance each other and be the pillar the other needs in their darkest hours. When we are able to allow and accept each other as we are in the moment without judgments we are accepting and loving each other Unconditionally. We are no longer holding onto an attachment that this is how I must be loved. We learn to accept what is given in the moment with understanding and appreciation for the gift that it is."
My brothers in all things you must learn to accept yourself as you are and love yourself Unconditionally. When you can do this your brothers and partners may do so to. Become the example so they may choose as you have chosen for you. No one may save you here but YOU.
Blessings on your journeys my brothers. Hugs and love. You are loved. I love you.