Hello world. The following is from 2017.
In the last few days I have witnessed dialogue after dialogue between my brothers talking about their relationships and the issues they are facing. How in one conversation my brother is sharing how their partner is talking about and thinking about suicide and how they feel as if they are being manipulated. How they feel as if their partner does not love them because of this. This line of thinking had me looking at my own relationship with my Husband, Alex, and how we have both had our own instances of contemplating suicide.
In the 18 years Alex and I have been together we have both faced the issue of suicide in our partner and ourselves. Back in 2004 when I wrecked my motorcycle and found myself bedridden I dreamed of killing myself. I couldn't move, feed myself, bath myself or wipe my own ass. I had to hand away every single job I did that I believed defined me to someone else. It made me question my value and worth. It made me look at my belief that I was no more than a burden to my husband and family.
In this same respect my husband has been faced with similar experiences. He has actively talked about killing himself. That he has no value or worth because he could not work due to injuries. When he could not make enough money to pay every bill he would question his worth and value.
In each experience we had to make choices in how we would deal with what we were thinking, feeling, and believing in those moments. In each instant our partner acted as a ballast to keep us on tract and here in this world. Through unconditional love and acceptance of each other we chose to support each other through those moments. To help the other see the light at the end of the tunnel.
At his darkest moment I told my husband I would rather be homeless under a bridge with him there beside me… Than all alone here in this house with him gone from this world. Nothing matters except our love for each other and the support we give one another through anything and everything being thrown at us. Even our friends, families, and complete strangers telling us we should leave each other. Instead we chose to stand together and walk away from all of them. We are standing still to this day and have been for 18 years now. That is what unconditional love does. It supports you and guides you through the darkest of nights to the light of another day.
Blessings on your journeys my brothers. Hugs and love. You are loved. I love you.