Have you ever met someone onine who seem so incredibly perfect at first you start to wonder as to how this person could possibly be single? You start to feel smug because you have found a diamond in the rough and anyone who gave up this gem of a human must be crazy!
So, you start dating and everything seems to be humming right along. Your new boyfriend or girlfriend is funny, nice and the sex is great. Sure, there are a few “quirks” that you have started noticing...like the fact that your significant other is perpetually late for everything and that they chew with their mouth open, but come one, those aren’t deal breakers.
But what are some of the deal breakers that you may be noticing and either ignoring or afraid to confront? Just because you are in a relationship with someone doesn’t mean things are set in stone (just ask Kim Kardashian). Feelings change, outlooks change, and as you date longer and longer, you start to realize whether or not this person is truly a positive force in your life...or a hurricane of crazy.
The scary part is, once you start to notice things you don’t like...when is enough enough? Everyone has their own breaking point, but do you have to get to that point in order to realize that this relationship just isn’t the right fit? After all, the point of dating is to see who we are compatible with in the long run. We must tell ourselves that it is okay to conclude that even when we like someone (or even love someone) things don’t always work out.
So here is a list of deal breakers that may make you reconsider if your relationship is worth sticking around for...or if (maybe) the fear of being alone is getting in the way of your good judgment.
You Are a Giver and He/She is a Taker
No good can come of this relationship dynamic. Here’s why. You will constantly be putting yourself out there, trying to please and appease, and your partner will just take and take and take. Eventually, you will grow to resent this person, have a huge blow up fight, and realize that you wasted way more time with this selfish, self-centered narcissist than you ever should have. Better to cut your losses and get out while you can. It’s great to be a giver, as long as you know how to give and take, as well.
No Support System
We all need to feel as though our partner values what we do (or are trying to accomplish) in life. They are the person we should be able to express our biggest dreams to without any fear of judgment. Our partner should encourage us to be the best version of ourselves, and support us emotionally in all that we take on. When you don’t have the support of your lover, it’s as though all the stresses of the world weigh down on you without an outlet. This is bad for your mental health, bad for your overall well being, and certainly can cause your self worth to plummet.
When was the last time you got into an argument and had the other person take no responsibility, and instead, turn the situation on its head so that you became the bad guy? They disregarded your feelings, disrespected your position, and belittled your opinion. Sound familiar? Master manipulators can take whatever you say and twist it so that it serves them. Dating someone who turns things around on you and won’t own up to their part of the problem is not someone you want to settle in with.
Nothing you ever do is right. Nothing is good enough. Sound familiar? If so, you may be dating a very insecure person who refuses to acknowledge the positive things that you do for fear it somehow diminishes them. This person will only contribute to feelings that bring you sadness and stress. Why have that dark cloud in your life?
Some people can talk a good game. Some people can convince you that they will bring you the sun, the moon and the stars. To these people I say, “SHOW ME.” Show me what you say you can do to be true, and then I will begin to put my faith in you. But when you are with someone who promises to do things for you and never follows through, one has to wonder...does he or she even respect me?
Disrespects You Publicly
Does he or she make fun of you in front of their friends? Do they degrade you in front of your work colleagues or social circle? Do they abandon you at parties only to find them flirting with other people? If you find yourself in a situation where you feel as though your partner has disrespected you publicly, you may want to reconsider if the relationship is based on mutual love and trust...or if that’s a one-way street.
If your partner cheats on you, this seems like a no-brainer. Of course you would break up. But would you? If your partner deceived you, lied to you and had a relationship behind your back, theoretically you would leave. But so many people actually stay and then wonder why the behavior never stopped. When you accept this behavior, don’t be surprised if it comes back to haunt you.
This doesn’t necessarily mean that they have a problem with drugs or alcohol (although they very well might). This can encompass a broad range of behaviors from being frivolous about spending money, gambling issues, food addiction, sex addiction, porn addiction, and many others. Keep your eyes open. If you start to see behavior that you don’t like, you can always confront the person about it, and see if they are open to seeking help. But if they deny it or feel as though it isn’t a problem for