Hello world. The following was written 09/15/2018.
Last night I found myself experiencing a strange heavy energy. Around 10 o'clock I found myself experiencing what felt like a blanket being laid over me. I felt this heaviness and pressure pushing down on me from all sides. It literally drained me of energy and had me going to bed feeling as if I was about to pass out.
Around 12:45 AM my Husband Alex came into the room to check on me. I was crying out loud in my sleep. My Husband has learned to approach me cautiously when I am sleeping. He does not say my name any more nor does he touch me anywhere but my hand or my upper arm. He learned years ago that to touch me or to say my name results in my leaping from bed and trying to run away while half asleep. This instinctual reaction of flight was learned as a child when I would be visited by my abusers in the middle of the night.
Last night I found myself in a dream that was dark and very emotionally stressful. It started with me in a parking garage being herded down a hallway and up some stairs into what felt like the lobby of a hotel with a handful of others. We were rushed across this area and up another flight of stairs behind what looked to be a man dressed in women's clothes. He was wearing pink silk pajama shorts with white fur trim and a pink matching silk tank top also with white fur trim.
Upon reaching the top of those stairs we entered a darkened area that was almost like a night club with loud music and a lot of dark figures moving in and out of the shadows. When I reached the top of those stairs I looked to my left and saw what looked to be HRC sitting at a Keno machine as a man behind her grabbed her shoulder and pointed to us.
As soon as she looked up at us she said, "Take them down stairs. We will be there shortly." Upon hearing this I knew the last place I wanted to be was where ever it was they were going to try and take me. As we went back down those stairs to the lobby I made a dash for the main doors as did the others who were with me. As they all made it out those doors I found my shoulders grabbed from behind as I was dragged back and down the stair to that garage.
It was at this point I started in crying a torrent of tears. I started seeing what looked like military personnel in strange uniforms that did not look familiar in any way. I knew I would not be leaving this place alive. I could feel it. These military people were dealing in human trafficking and did not seem to know or maybe did not care what it was they were being used for. Their blank stares were like looking into the eyes of the walking dead. There was no life spark within them. They were zombies following orders.
I found myself being pushed and dragged onto an underground tram or train. As this train began to move I could feel my panic rise. I did not want to be there. I heard laughter coming from an adjoining car as the door began to open. Once again I felt a hand on my shoulder as the back of my shirt was ripped from me...
It was at this point that my Husband gently woke me up. I was bawling uncontrollably in my sleep at what it was I was experiencing. I laid there crying my eyes out as I shared with him some of what I had been dreaming of… Something tells me I was somewhere in Nevada in that dream. The hotel lobby was reminiscent of Vegas or Reno. That private club with the Keno machines felt like a casino in a hotel. I wonder if this place really exists. I wonder who I was in that incarnation of reality…
I shared with him my dream and that my heart was aching. I found myself sharing with him how I am being asked by Spirit and my Guides to be the Light and Hold the Light for my brothers. I shared how I am feeling overwhelmed with my brothers judgments of me and their lack of acceptance of me as I am, let alone their own selves.
On this journey I am asked to hold the Light for my brothers. As the world falls into chaos around me and my brothers thrash about lost in their own nightmares I am to stand in my Light of Truth becoming a beacon of Light for them in their darkness.
Holding the Light is not easy. Every day I am faced with the judgmental recriminations and rejections of my brothers. Every day my brothers judge me my choices to be and believe as I do. Every day I am told I am doing something wrong and need to conform and comply with their dictates of who and what I am to be. Every day has become a battle within me to not give up on my brothers. To not leave them floundering in the darkness of their misery, lost to the vagaries of that which they have been indoctrinated to believe.
This holding the Light for those around me is no easy task. I question myself and my Guides if this is really what is needed. There is a limit to the amount of rejection and persecution one may be able to withstand at one time. Especially when it is the ones you love and care most about that are judging you and demanding you change to suit their idea of what you should be…
When are we afforded the opportunity to break down as everyone else is doing? When are we allowed to express what is being experienced without receiving recriminations for doing so? When will Humanity stop judging themselves and everyone else for their choices to be and believe? When the hell is this appallingly depressing blanket of energy going to be lifted from me? It has everything coming in through a fog so comprehending anything at this time feels like a joke in the extreme. Nothing is at it seems and confusion is reigning supreme. These dark dreams and energies feel as if they are stealing my will and strength to Hold the Light. Such pain filled energy is hard to block or work through. Let alone allow one to be a beacon of Light for those around them.
Blessings on your journeys my brothers. Hugs and love. You are loved. I love you.