Hello world. The following was written 10/23/2015.
The Choice Is Mine
The fiery pain of this murderous rage.
Has me feeling as if I am going insane.
Those who refuse to allow me, to be me.
Constantly dictating what they, think I should be.
Trying to drag me down into your misery.
No thank you, that isn't for me.
The more you push, the more I move away.
I am not into, these games that you play.
Thinking you are the Guru and know what's best for me.
Sorry, but I, am the Guru of me.
I will think, speak, and believe as I do.
No one will rule my world, especially not you.
As I shut the door in your face.
Your calculated looks of love turn to hate.
Unless I am doing whatever you ask.
A judgmental knife you'll twist in my back.
If this is what love means to you.
You are more twisted than even I knew.
How does one learn to love unconditionally?
When all the examples you get are egoistic and illusory.
Dictated to you with the back of a hand.
You learn to do on demand.
I lived that life once easily.
Now thinking of it makes me scream.
Believing the judgments handed me.
Praying for death or to be swept away.
Wanting to cry when you wake each day.
Believing I was created to be used and abused.
Unworthy of kindness and loves tenderness too.
The silent screams I cried at night.
Thinking maybe they were right.
I began to pray for death each night.
To release from the hell of my plight.
Hating God for what I believed was me.
A sorry excuse of humanity.
I felt that way for much of my life.
Believing I was wrong and they were right.
When the very essence of me disagreed.
This internal fight caused me misery.
Believing as truth what others said.
Engenders no more than a wish for death.
Going within I looked through my mind.
Looking at everything one item at a time.
Asking for guidance from God above.
I was done with this misery.
I wanted to feel love.
Slowly and painfully I began to see.
What I was doing and doing to me.
Doubting everything I would perceive.
Thinking that it was all me.
Until one day I could fully see.
What I was putting my faith and trust into blindly.
I was believing as truth what others believed.
Their judgments and opinions of themselves and me.
The condemnation in their words and eyes.
Held perfect time with fist or vice.
Each being wielded skillfully.
With a hidden measure of glee.
These judgments we are taught to believe.
They are all lies based on fear, shame, and grief.
I know now it is up to me.
To choose what it is I want to believe.
Please be the Light I know you to be. Please be the Light I see you to be. Please be the Light you are meant to be. Please choose to be the Light.
Blessings on your journeys my brothers. Hugs and love. You are loved. I love you.