OnStellar


Auribus teneo lupum. Adjunct to Dream Pocket page
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  • Weird & Bizarre
  • Pod Journal Bleed Through Memories Oct 13, 2019
    If you can not see this chirbit, listen to it here https://chirb.it/1vcrIt Not gonna lie...kinda rambly *smh*.... I realllllly need to stop saying "just a short" recording because they never are. I could tell, too, that there is some underlying anxiety poking through with this - I tend to talk faster/rapid fire when I'm trying to puzzle piece out loud and these audio journals really are just...
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  • AudPod Memories surfacing October 9, 2019 chainlink fence/tv/dirt/penned in, gym? wall alarms/red light
    If you can not see this chirbit, listen to it here https://chirb.it/a95y4E
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  • Pod Journal Thoughts @ SSP/SecSol, terminology, triggers, fail safes
    If you can not see this chirbit, listen to it here https://chirb.it/wIzbv9 In advance, mea culpa- my wonderings are not intended to harm or hurt those who have experienced or are still experiencing/processing trauma. Just my thoughts and personal questions out loud. And may be helpful to remember..I "river speak" so definitely NO judgement (#gotmyownweird) on anyone and their path/experience...
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  • Van driver from elementary school unknown transport. Chubby cheeks, red head, freckles. some kind of long flat-top. Slouchy demeanor, visceral feeling of dislike for him. He feels like he is a JERK to my child-mind memory, but seems like he may have just been abrupt, rude, mean- the feeling is that he was a bully. He liked his power even though he was just a yuckel low level person in this. Van memory surfaced after watching AM. First memory about van surfaced back during an interview w/CG talking about whitecoat? op. My drawings are crap-I feel like I am drawing from a blindspot memory and also my drawing ability is not so good with repro. Wanted to post to keep an eye on this for myself. I have both anxiety and anger with this memory.
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  • This is a recall of an old "dream"
    Going to post in Revocem as well because it did not feel like a dream, it felt like a memory. A very unsettling one, as memory and dreaming were combined.
    I had written it somewhere, but it escapes me where I did at the moment. This may be a repost here but just want to get it out and w/pic I drew.

    I am in a house. There are things happening with the TVs and all electrical tech. They are being used to threaten, like a walkie talkie/ wired situation. I go to leave this place and the tv in the main room starts playing a video of me. This video part feels like a memory. On the screen I can see myself, age 15-25? hard to tell, going by hairstyle. I am in this white room, leaning up against a wall, on a bench. The video is taken from a pov of looking through what looks like a door-window. My eyes..I think they were open, look wrong..unfocused. I look drugged. And I do not look right the way I am sitting, like I was leaned there on my side by someone else and left there. This not a good room to be in. It feels like I'm not there by choice, but also-this feels like a reminder that I can be taken, unknown to me, and the memory withheld from me. While the video is played, I feel sick and also -suspended in a weird feeling of recog. It feels like in waking life, someone is near me, getting some sort of control out of this. I feel it viscerally. There is a partial sense of vindication and relief with the confirmation of what I am seeing. I know what I am seeing happened. I don't know how or where, but this is something real, not imagined. in a dream state. This memory somehow belongs to me. The rest of the dream setting feels like a platform, not real. It presents as if it is a fully integrated experience but the video is like getting a photo of yourself and posting it onto something else, like mixing an animated film with regular footage. I'm still feeling that same way re-connected to this dream repost.
    I do not want to forget it.
    The drawings are not so good, had a tough time drawing this.
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  • Room/boots/doors and panels lit/metal shades black night.
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